Whispers of her soul

She is overwhelmed
she can't breathe
the pain in her chest feels like no other,
like someone stabbed her in the chest - only worse
like they kept her alive just so she can feel the excruciating pain
like they left her alone in a dark room
locked her inside starved of joy and bliss that morning sunshine brings
deprived of the beauty and peace stars at night bring
like they beat her up leaving her wounded and cold
like they stripped her in the middle of African winter
left her in cold desert night at the mercy of snakes and scorpions
like they - like puppet masters make her slap her self nonstop in the face
like she has nothing to live for yet she does
but grief, pain, anguish knows the darkness and deadends
she longs for brighter days
cries herself to sleep because her only relief is that she can whine
that they did not take away
the one thing that makes her
so human
emotion
feelings
she prays for brighter days
no one knows when they will come
but one thing's for sure
nothing lasts forever
clinging on to the hope that it will all end
is what keeps her alive.

My Immortal

There are days when I think of you
and the deceit and shameful defeat
that my heart succumbed to
I cannot stand
thus i am filled with such rage
like an airhead graduate on minimum wage
I whine
but there are days when i think of you
and all i want to is to feel you
right beside me
then i am beside
myself with rage
how can i still feel you
how can i still feel for you
how can i shed a tear
for what i felt for over a year
past
dead and gone yet
immortal in my heart
though it was hurt
for you it still yearns
though my skin thickened
from the lessons learnt
about your love and its non-existence
like aliens on earth
for your touch
your caress it still yearns
why cannot we love
why could we not have love
and the wise ones talk of the broken road
leading us to such happy ever after aboard
yet that light at the end of that underground road
i am blind to
or is it a blind fold
but i beg not to blame you
yet i do
why would you touch me?
why would i let you?
why would you love me so good?
and how would i say no without sounding so rude?
but i wouldn't
i couldn't because i thought it a reciprocation
of my deep affection
I thought it a paradise and those wise men
not so wise
actually felt it a paradise
but then i know now
i was not as wise
i was stupid
pranked by cupid
so these days i think of you
and i know my feelings were true
then i think of them untrue
and i wish i could see you
maybe my heart could whisper
and help me through this unending dilemma
because i said i loved you
not like i do
for rockbands and shoes
but this was new
but i wouldn't know
i'm a mere mortal
and i will never know
because you refuse
you refuse to comply
and i wouldn't understand why
i too do not know
i do not know
how to complete this letter

That bitter taste you just cannot spit out...

"Woishe pole... am not gonna ask if you are eating but how well you are tolerating the pain when you eat love ;-p" That was one of my closest friend's response to my "i have bloody tonsillitis plea" Shows how well she knows me and forgive me (the very medically informed) for using the term "bloody" to describe tonsillitis but that is the term i found most appropriate. (If I may: Re-read the darn opening statement!!! Thankyou!) Moving on.
So this bloody tonsillitis got me chewing stake to powdery state after which it no longer tastes like meat (now I know how farm animals feel bloody powdered fish) Oh my! Wrong use of the term bloody again. Must be the bloody tonsillitis. As y'all might have noticed, I love food and yesterday.. having to sleep on an empty belly na ah! Not my particular cup of tea. So i am gonna fight this bloody tonsillitis (Sorry will not happen again) with all my being, lest i turn anorexic.
Over and out.
P.S: This article was inspired by one Essie Nduta who noted that this is a milestone in my life and i needed to write about it. She suggested a book but the medical world would sue me for the bloody messes I have made.
Have a tonsillitis free day  

Immortalized in words: IRONIC IRONY

Immortalized in words: IRONIC IRONY

IRONIC IRONY

This painful yet endearing expedition
filled with such relative tradition
that regardless of the contradiction
with what is truth still gains such massive audition
let me break it down a little bit
before the dj breaks the beat
and the ladies bend over backwards to bendover forward
before the tot turns to a liquor brewing pot
and the drunk lot
who when sober such perfect strangers
indulge in sex
this is not in truth yet today makes such perfect sense
you see you cannot kill a man when he is dead
as the body does not feel anymore
you can not take the spirit from itself
but they do not know this
they do not know the truth yet it is so alive
they do not know or refuse to know that these bodies are only lent to them
that they are Merely
stewards
caretakers
to them this mass entrusted to have and to hold
in such tenderness that their mission
they so become bold
boldened up for
The very purpose they were created for
thus they indulge in all body wasting scenes
in this expedition
in this adventure
such evildeals they venture
in
they cannot easily get out of
you cannot call it quits with
the author of double deals
the author of backstabbing and counterfeit wills
you cannot because
you are no longer whole
not when you have sold him your soul
but we preach goodnews
news that have had such countless reviews
News of a truth
truth that does not
depend on time
or whoever is speaking at that time
truth that is truly alive
we preach of the son of man
we preach that it has been done
that we have won
no such good deeds
will ever break this immortal war
because the holy lamb was slain
and the immortal stain
cleansed
This news that you only have to receive and wholly confess
that your life has been in a sinly mess
then to true love and purity you will attest.

This battle I fear...

He asked how i was doing,
I said fine.
I said life was beginning to seem like wine.
- Better by the day
I said all is in line,
and fate seemed not my fortune - wish decline.
I said i was fabulous,
of life's bringing omnious.
I said i was gracious,
- graciously dealing with all in my way.
But i lied;
I wanted to say i was terrified,
that maybe i wasn't as good as i always thought i was.
That i felt as though my brain and heart were in constant battle,
the brain said that its a dead end ,
but my head differed vehemently,
with so much vigour and passion that i considered a calmer they call liquor,
the heart insisted that i keep dreaming,
but the brain breaks my heart,
brain keeps mirroring the reflection on the mirror
- that a person that  mirrored in that manner couldn't possibly be as great,
and my heart broke because even if heart dreams,
heart rarely wins,
not when brain speaks such human truth.
and the heart keeps breaking,
that is why i am terrified because i feel its pieces
- they keep disintegrating i fear i will lose heart;
I fear the dreamy side will hurt;
so much that it will see no light at the end of that tunnel;
so much that even when that chubby lady belts out that melody,
the heart's ears will be blocked - deaf to the end of turmoil
I fear i will die on the inside and never come back...

Before dusk turns to dawn...

What is the opposite of being paranoid?
At the other end of this pathological extreme lies having the vilest and most inhuman plan drawn up against you yet not have a clue.

What is the antonym for joy?
At the other end of this emotion lies the feeling when you watch your world crumble, when everything you hold dear before your eyes crumbles and you can't so much as tremble as you are numbed, numbed by the fear that it could be worse. Watching frantic effort go to waste, watching an empire you built with such struggle in ashes, watching your loved ones waste away with incurables, watching your self turn into a zombie, watching all go yet you can't cry because they will start to pry and it takes all of you to try, try and laugh because they say your time it adds away.

You want more time, more time in a world that's given you nothing worth a dime, yet you still hope that there will be better days and how so if not with more time? Because you heard of Mandela, once ruler of the land of diamond and gold, imprisoned for being so bold, spent years in the cold yet he saw good. You have heard of Mr. King who only saw hatred, disparity yet preached love, equality. You have heard of Job, once such a nob, everything he owned robbed yet he endured amidst the bitter and the sob. They preached about the son of God. The Roman's road say it has been done that all you have to do is believe and Grace you shall receive, so you shun all thoughts of taking refuge in brown bottles or tots, in witchcraft or sorcerer's pots that it will be well and you can tell that it will take a while and you say to your self "death is no merciful release from this pain" As these great stories say, endurance is not in vain thus with the pouring rain in the scorching sun I will wait. Joy will find me not with my heart slain!    

Immortalized in words: DEAR MORTAL

Immortalized in words: DEAR MORTAL: your beautiful inner you view filled with such loathe with utmost ignorance of what i behold in a glance with such spite as if a demon in y...

LIFELESS CREATURE

Imprisoned,
by a conscience you defy
you believe,but deny
you find warmth in the dark
comfort in gloom and doom.
Your heart,so cold
you're lifeless
your soul,to the devil sold.
Desecration! Desecration!
Don't you have reason?
Blasphemy! Blasphemy!
Respect religion!
That powdery stuff!
You love to puff!
''in heaven!'' you laugh!
Delusion! Confusion!
Is this what you desire?
Hysteria! Paranoia?
You are now haunted!
The darkness you embrace,
you're forced to face!
GOR! GOR! Blood!
Bleeding make you glad!
But it fill not the void,
caused by your sold soul.
GOOD OVER EVIL
evil destroys!
As to grain doth a weevil!
As to life,doth hatred!
LOVE OVER HATE!
Make your wish,though belate,
it shall be granted,just wait!!

***

BEAUTY

beauty is beheld by the one who made
by the artist
by the one who from it we derive
from the one from whom we are made
His image we are
His image-our artistry
that we make and craft oh so beautifully
that we touch so many lives
that we express sadness that those trapped in anguish
may be consoled
that we express pain that they may appreciate joy
that they may know the value of appreciating the beauty that surrounds.
beauty lies not in tangibles
not in that which can vanish
but in that which leaves a mark
a mark so profound that it is indeed by definition BEAUTY

DEAR MORTAL

your beautiful inner
you view filled with such loathe
with utmost ignorance
of what i behold in a glance
with such spite
as if a demon in you
you try to fight
as if you think not
that God made you just right
I pray that you see
what with every breaking dawn
every curtain drawn
every heavenly smile,we adore
don't fret love
mistakes like scars,are lessons of the past
only like stones into water cast
are long gone
move on
you're beautiful